The White Queen - ep 1

So, yesterday, BBC aired the first episode of The White Queen, aka "War of the Roses meets romance novel."



It's historically inaccurate enough to give me ulcers but ridiculously sexy and pretty. So, win.



Sadly, Elizabeth's nightmares is the closest we get to battle scenes. To do a take on the War of the Roses without any battles is...bizarre. But then, while I've come across Yorkist or Lancastrian takes of all stripes, I've never before seen a pro-Woodville take either so I suppose there is a first time for everything.




Why is Elizabeth Woodville traipsing around in public (off to meet the King, no less) with her hair uncovered?! WTF! That would be the equivalent of someone going in public topless nowadays. Hmmm. Not pleased.



I have locked my ‘historical accuracy’ nitpicker far far away (because otherwise I’d be banging my head on the wall nonstop) and am just enjoying the pretty. Because Rebecca Ferguson is gorgeous and Max Irons is seriously unreal and together they are unf.











Mmmmm, Max Irons. Though I feel a little odd about drooling over any version of Edward IV, I can’t help myself…It’s just as well he’s ridiculously hot and he and RF have amazing chemistry because the story so far is…suffice it to say my inner historical accuracy geek is doing her level best to get out of the bin I locked her into and threatening to wreak havoc. Also, the ‘magic’ storyline makes me want to find either the screenwriter or Ms. Gregory (preferably, both) and take them to have their heads examined. I mean, why couldn’t they have adopted the Sunne in Splendour or, if they are less fond of either Richard III or the Yorkist side, something else that doesn’t have freaking magic in it! WTF. OK, OK, historical accuracy geek, back into your bin, dwell on the sexiness of Max Irons and Rebecca Ferguson instead…Those two do have ridiculous chemistry…And are way pretty together.
















Guuuuuh, that is all…Does that mean I am RPShipping?











LOLOLOL Richard III looks a bit old for twelve, which is how old he was when Elizabeth Woodville was crowned. I guess they didn’t want to bother with child actors and I admit I’d rather look at Aneurin Barnard than a tween but…seriously. LOLOLOLOLOL



Anthony Woodville is hot. Now, there is a phrase I never thought I’d utter in a million years.




Royal make-outs. By now I have clearly abandoned any pretense that I am watching this for anything but the shallowest of reasons. But how delicious does this show make being shallow! Mmmmmm…My inner historical purist has been neutralized through the repeated application of swooning…















Ah, the infamous ‘attempted rape’ scene. I don’t particularly care, tbh. Not because of the whole ‘historical accuracy’ thing - I am pretty sure a 15th century person wouldn’t have viewed this as rape or even an unjustified action, but this excuse doesn’t really hold up because TWQ is only mildly more historical than an episode of the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. This isn’t exactly a faithful adaptation of the Lais of Marie de France or Chretien de Troyes or similar. No, I mainly don’t care because I can’t muster any outrage over fictional characters’ actions, especially when I am not particularly emotionally invested in them (I like the pretty and the shippy but I don’t deeply feel for them. Plus, as my not-quite-dead inner historical purist points out, shipping Edward IV/Elizabeth Woodville is…well…a storybook couple they are not).

When you add in the fact that in my misbegotten youth and even more misbegotten adulthood, I read a lot of trashy 1980s ‘forced seduction’ scenes, this doesn’t even blip on my radar as out of the norm for romantic fiction with people in wimples. Oh, wait, no wimples here, because of the whole ‘no historical accuracy’ thing :P FWIW, I’d probably feel more outrage if it wasn’t an attempted rape but a completed rape. Or, seeing that this is Edward “I am going to execute my brother for treason, sleep with everything that moves, and take bribes from the French not to go to war with them” IV, probably not. As I said, historical Edward was many things but sans peur et sans reproche he was not.






“Is this love then?” I don’t know and I don’t care, as long as you two keep on being as pretty as you are.










Royal make-outs, part 1 billion. You know, I think they should just give up and make this show “Edward IV makes out with various people, with occasional cameos by Anthony Woodville, Richard III, Warwick and George Duke of Clarence also making out with people” because it’s not like they are gunning for historical accuracy, politics, or battles anyway. Go with your strength, guys - aka Max Irons half-naked and delicious on my screen.













More make-outs. You know, by my count, they spent 65% of this episode on make-outs, 25% on close-ups of pretty pretty Elizabeth, 5% on Jacquetta sassing people and 5% on actual history. Mind you, that’s not necessarily a bad thing. But it does make one wonder if someone heard ‘War of the Roses’ and assumed the ‘roses’ in the name meant Mills and Boon.


















To say that I am unhappy with the way the show portrayed Cecily Neville would be the understatement of the year. But still, that’s an awesome hat.



To sum up: as a history buff who is fascinated by War of the Roses, this is a horrible take on it. As someone who love cheesy pretty romance, this is a lot of fun.